Let us tell you about our amazing product.
First of all it is called The Wonderful Suit. Second of all you should buy one for everyone you know.
Perfect for the holiday season, The Wonderful Suit is scientifically proven by 1 in 25 doctors to improve your life by 20 percent! It’s actually not a stocking stuffer because it’s too big. Unless you were to get a really big stocking or something like that. But what’s the point really you might as well just put it under the tree.
Anyway back to our Amazing Product which will probably Change Your Life Forever.
Something you should know about it is that fifty percent of people who wore the suit for one day had a good day. The other fifty percent are lost causes anyways and disqualified as part of our analysis. So everyone liked it!
The longer you wear your suit, the better your life will be. For example, Debby wore the suit for ten years, and after those ten years, a man asked her to marry him! We never thought Debby would find love! I mean, she’s so ugly and unpleasant. But miracles happen! And they happen with our Wonderful Suit. Did we mention that it will make your Everything better?
The Wonderful Suit comes in One Size Fits Everyone and Obese sizes. It comes in two colors: gold and platinum—the best colors. It also comes in neon green because that’s our favorite color.
The suit is made out of 100 percent Polyster and shrinks in the wash. That’s not bad because things look good tight if you ask us. Unless you’re fat, then you’ll look gross.
Blind your enemies with our Amazing Product, then kick them in the no-no square! Distract people from how ugly your face is, they’ll be too busy looking out our Amazing Product! It works!
But don’t wear the Wonderful Suit for too long! Sometimes it makes you so wonderful you gusher all over the place and it makes quite a mess for cleaning ladies everywhere.
If you were to buy the Wonderful Suit anywhere else it would cost you 100 dollars. But here it will cost you 150 dollars! And we’ll even steal your credit card information. But send in our mail-in rebate and we’ll send you some shoes! Not wonderful shoes, just regular type.
So in conclusion by our product! Do it!
Unpleasant Debby before she got the Wonderful Suit (above)
Debby after! Doesn't she look great?