Sunday, February 28, 2010

Poems for your heart

Love was in the air
Then he was in your bed
Now pain is in my heart

Sometimes I think
"What is the meaning of it all?"
Then I think
"I'm hungry.
I want some cereal."

I saw you
by the mangoes
You were as
plump and ripe
as a mango
I will never
forget you
Mango Lady

When you left
I cried for days
and my mom
called me a sissy.

I love you
like fires love homes
like sharks love blood
like misery loves company

Today I re-organized
my sock drawer.
I miss you.

In the Morning

Saturday, February 27, 2010

John's Musical Visions

Abel Korenziowski- "Cold Kenya"

A drought has gone through a village in East AFrica. There are no more crops and thus there are no more people. The land is barren, except for tiny huts dotted across the landscape. A few settlers are gathering the remnants of their belongings as they prepare for a migration out of the continent.

Abel Korenziowski- "Clouds"

Little fishes swimming around the water. The expansive blue ocean comes into view. Coral reefs lined up against canyon walls with colorful fishes all about. Sunbeams are shining across from the tops of the waters. In the distance, a dark shadow approaches. It gets larger and larger. It's a whale, a beautiful humpback whale with its babies! the humpback mother is approaching the land, amused by a boat drifting across the waves.

Friday, February 26, 2010

lol

"Gypsy Lands"
song lyrics by Me for my forthcoming post-folk band

We rode a caravan
across our soul tundras
we threw our hearts
into the sea
I called your name, mama
but you couldn't see
the sounds of gypsies crying please

Sweet gypsy lands
make me your soul child
I am the wind maker
Oh gyspy lands set me free

Gypsy brothers take me with you
I'll flap my arms across the land
into the sea
I'll strum my banjo
til the strings fall off
and we tie them up upon
an old gypsy tree

Sweet gypsy lands
make me your soul child
I am the wind maker
Oh gyspy lands set me free

So many nights mama
since I saw you
on the porch with a rifle on your knee
But when I howl at the moon
and I play this crazy tune
I know gypsy is all I'll never be

Photo Time!



CHECK OUT COOL PHOTOS ON MY FLICKR PLEEZ

Step 3: Repeat steps 1 and 2

"I like how you were able to improvise without sounding arbitrary."- the SAME student in my creative writing class talking about a student's work.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010



"No one tried to strangle me today. No one spit on me today. It was a great day." -ASHLEY

Will you please join my movement

Americans Against Fires

Dear concerned citizens,

I'm here today to announce the beginning of a new movement, a movement I'm sure we can all get behind. It's called Americans Against Fire. At AAF, we are strongly opposed to fire and its destructive effects on everything.
As we all know by now, fire is one of the greatest dangers of our society today. Fire is clearly a menace that must be stopped.

Ever since the dawn of civilization, we have had fire. The golden age of fire was when it was first invented. Since then, however, fire has been a great evil in society. It has destroyed countless cats. Sometimes people who are effected by fires do not have time to save their valuables. Countless valuables have been destroyed in these terrible conflagrations.

That is why we must stand as a coalition against fires. At AAF, we have made a firm commitment: whenever there is a fire, we will be there to protest it. We will bring our picket signs, and our slogans, and we will protest! We won't stop until every fire in America is put out by either firefighters or rain.

Today we ask you to stand with us in what may be the greatest fight of our generation. Only together can we fight the fires that plague this great nation. One day, we will see a fire-free nation, a nation where everyone is happy and does not live in fear of being burned by a fire. Join us!

Sincerely,

Jordan
Founder of AAF
Chairman of AAF
Secretary of AAF



Monday, February 22, 2010

Poemz

I looked at you
You looked at me
Our eyes met!
Then I looked at the wall.

I want you on a train
I want you on a plane
I want you on a box
I want you on a fox
I want you on a--
wait, this is wrong.

She was the girl
of my dreams
he was the
monster
under my bed

I've never met
anyone like you
I haven't met
that many people

He said
"I get so lonely sometimes"
She said
"What?! I'm in an elevator!"
He said
"I GET SO LONELY!"
She said
"WHAT?!"

Bizarroland


What a weird site. Don't know what to make of this.

BFFL EXCLUSIVE: NYC DUDES ALL WEAR THE SAME OUTFIT

Is that the ol' peacoat-jeans combo?
Hey, no way, I was going for that same look!
I think it makes me look real urban cool.
Peacoat? Check. Jeans? Check.
Lookin sharpin lookin like every other dude.
Peacoat-jeans, like apple pie and Chevrolet.
Oh, no! Are you wearing a peacoat and jeans? So am I!
Nice look.

Oh shit.

Saturday, February 20, 2010


NYU is 60% Asian and 60% Jewish.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Lol my political t-shirt

Bobst's Inferno


Bobst Library-- the gate of Hell?

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Step 2: Bang Head Against Wall Repeatedly

"I felt like it was kind of an all-encompassing psychological barrage."- Student in my Creative Writing class referring to another student's work.

THIS SHOULD BE ILLEGAL

This just isn't right.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

An Imagined Dialogue between two hipsters

Hipster 1: I thought the French New Wave was trash.
Hipseter 2: You know nothing of the New Wave! What about Godard?
Hipster 1: What about him? My little sister could better handle a camera!
Hipster 2: Uncultured swine! Are you done with that cig?
Hipster 1: Yeah
Hipster 2: All right, I'll meet you at the art house in an hour. Then let's fuck.
Hipster 1: Deal.

Black is IN


Don't mind me I'm just checking my e-mail on my smart phone and taking my Latte out for a walk.

Long day? Have a nap!



Hello my sleepy friends! Why are you sleeping in the library at 9:30 in the morning?

La Grande Bouffe


The aftermath of an eating orgy I witnessed at John's birthday celebration. What a night.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Dear Girl in my sociology class,



"Recognization" is NOT a word! Stop saying it!

Sincerely,

Jordan

Chinese New Year Photos


I took photos in Chinatown on Sunday. GO TO MY FLICKR

Poems what what

Your eyes open
like flowers
close
like sunsets
cry
like waterfalls

I kissed you
like my pillow
in grade school--
I think the
pillow
liked it better

You popped
our love
like a pimple--
I still
have scars.

All is fair
in love
and beer pong.

I mounted you
like a steer,
you bucked me,
like a bronco.

I love you
like a clownfish
loves a sea anenome--
have you
not
heard of
symbiosis?

She said,
"Don't ever leave me."
He said,
"I'm just going
to the bathroom."

We danced
like no one was watching--
turns out they were.
We got embarrassed
and went back inside.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Step 1: Strike Forehead with Palm

"Somehow, and I still don't know how you did this, but you managed to make anger and confusion a dichotomy. You don't see that often."-- a student in my writing class, commenting on another student's work

John's Musical Experience!

So one of my favorite things that Roommate John does is, sometimes when he listens to music he tells me the images and stories he imagines. Oftentimes what he says is absolutely the darndest.

Here are three songs that inspired Roommate John, and what he said as he was listening. I have recorded it all:

"Bercuse in D-flat major, Op. 57"- Roy Eaton

"A timid young girl stands at the doorway, staring across the dance studio. In her left hand she carries a pair of ballet shoes. A bunch of older girls are already warming up, stretching, lifting their legs up in arcs, L shapes. She slides in, cautiously, trying to avoid the eyes of the other dancers. She walks along the mirror against the bar, staring at the bar. And then, she puts her shoes down, slides her tiny toes into the leather lacing...."

The Legend of Ashikata Theme"- Joe Hisaishi

"The sun slowly rises across the hills, shedding light on a castle. Inside sits the prince of the kingdom. He is pondering over the day ahead of him, perhaps his last, thinking about his family, and more importantly his love, now riding off in the distance from the war-torn battle fields of the kingdom of Karassa. The princess is off in the distance, it is autumn. She is walking along a mountain range with the sun coming up shining up against her back, creating a silhouette of ribbons and geisha dresses. The princess is followed by a trail of the entire kingdom, from peasants to royal barons. Now the prince is walking down through the hall, men are starting to appear, all dressed up in armor. The prince goes into his quarters and opens his drawers. In front of him is steel-plated war armor with horns and spikes decorated all over it. The prince cannot help but to think of the princess. He look on his armor and tied across it is a necklace, the necklace of his love when he asked her to marry him amongst the tumbleweed and the marshses. The prince puts on his armor, his gauntlets, his war boots and puts his helmet under his right arm, straps on his sword and takes a spear, closing his eyes... The princess is far away and safe and the kingdom is safe because he has already produced an heir. But he will not survive this day. He jumps on his horse, the men are waiting for him. Then he rides off through the gates into the plains. The sky is purple with clouds in it, he looks up knowing it will be long day. Rain will come."

"The Single Petal of a Rose" by Duke Ellington

"The woods of Boston. A small wood lodge with lights dimming in and out is seen amidst tall trees. It is Novemeber. As a matter of fact it is Thanksgiving. On the table sits a giant turkey with candles lit. The sun has just gone down and dusk is settling in amongst the forest area. Two people are sitting at the table, an old man and a young boy. The old man is telling the young boy stories of pirates, astronauts, and dinosaurs. The snow starts falling outside, drifting lightly. The old man coughs, the boy looks alarmed and the old man reassures him, "Don't worry I will be all right." The old man and the boy finish dinner and they get up and go outside on the porch. Snow is falling a little harder now. The little boy is giddy with delight and pulls the old man's hand, urging him to follow him into the night. The old man gives in and the two of them walk off into the distance leaving a trail of footsteps soon to be covered by the snow....."

Saturday, February 6, 2010

The Story of what happens when John goes to Latin America for ISP (International Studies Program) next spring, by Jordan and Roommate John

It is a hot latina night. John is brooding in a smoky Asian-LatinAmerican fusion club, smoking one of those long cigarettes. The air is thick, sultry, and a hot haze hangs over the haze.

Through the haze, John spots a flash of red, a hot, LatinAmerican red. Then, a leg. An arm. And then-- that face! That dress! John is filled with a longing, a lust the depth of the Amazon. He sees the woman in the red dress, his latinAmerican queen of the Amazon! He is filled with desire as he gazes and she sways in her sultry sultriness. Their eyes meet-- he looks at her, she at him, they at each other! It's like eye sex basically. He knows he can wait no longer.

He takes a white rose from a vase on the table, and sticks it through his thick moostache in a gesture of manliness, like a sexy Asian/Latin American fusion mating call. He swivels across the ballroom, swaying like a palm tree in the breeze. She notices him and is a little weirded out but mostly turned on by the swaying palm tree. John, wearing a fine Italian suit of black suede, extracts the rose from his moostache.

"A beautiful rose, for a beautiful lady," he growls, taking in the hot Latin American musk of the woman in the red dress. "OH seniorrrrrr," Juanita purrs, overcome with desire, "I didn't know Asians could grow such thick moostaches!" John raises a sultry eyebrow, beckoning her hotly. "I didn't know women could grow such thick moostaches!" he groans, whirling her onto the floor.

They dance, dance like everyone is watching, because they are watching. The club is lit aflame by the hot passion of the dancers, and the erotic sound of the bongos. "Juanita, let's get out of here," John moans, tugging at her moostache. "OH seniorrrrr," Juanita rasps, "Where do we going?" "Come to my jungle bungalo," says John.

And so they escape into the hot night, running across the sands of Latin America with the speed of a mongoose. They slow down on the beach, strolling sensuously amongst the moon, the stars, and some tiny lizards. "Why don't we lay down upon the sands," says John, "and gaze upon the stars, or as we say in Asian, shingshing." And so they lay, the sexual tension escalating like an escalator, or neutrons in a nuclear reactor. John turns, desire spilling out like magma from a hot LatinAmerican volcano, or an Asian volcano. Either one is good. The sillhouettes of the lovers are intertwined like a lanyard of love, or like two palm trees. John leans in for the kiss.

And then, a voice in the darkness! "Oh my god it's so sandy here, FML! I can't read my Financial Times in the dark." A pause, and then, recognition. "LEIGH?!" shrieks John into the night, like a shrieking animal. "Ugh, I gotta go, I have to write a cover letter," Leigh whispers, disappearing into the night.

John turns back to Juanita, her musk lingering in the air, smelling like sand and quesadillas. "Where were we, my latinAmerican sweet?" murmers, leaning in once again for a passionate, lusty kiss. Then, out of the darkness, a voice!

"Hey guys, what are you doing." "GARY?!!!!!!!" squawks John, breaking the silence of the night, like one may break a vase or something else made of glass. The voice says: "Oh hey John, Gabe and I are getting dumplings you wanna come?" John groans into the night, despairing like a jackal. "GARRRRYRYRYYYRYRYRYRY" he says, like a boy in the depths of puberty. "Oh, okay, I'll see you later," says Gary, slinking off into the night, leaving a snail-like trail of mucus behind him.

John turns back again, Juanita is impatient. "SENIORRRR! I cannot wait any longerrrrrrr." John says: "Oh, my darrrrrling!" swooping down upon her, lips apart, moostache grinding against her moostache like two pieces of sandpaper. They are locked in a passionate embrace, more passionate than a tornado! Or a summer squall!

Then, out of the shadows, another voice, rising quick and unintelligably like a lemur. "Heyjohnyouwannagetsomechickenandrice?" sputters Jae. "What?!" says John. "JohnI'mreallyhungrylet'sgogetsomechickenandricecomeon," "Oh, I have some work to....OKAY!" says John, getting up quickly from the sand, dusting himself off.

"But Seniorrrr!" cries Juanita, furrrious. John says: "Schwarma calls! We'll always have Asia/Latin American fusion. We didn't have, we, we lost it until you came to the club. We got it back tonight." Juanita howls, "But what about us?!" John looks back coldly, "I've got a job to do. Where I'm going, you can't follow. What I've got to do, you can't be any part of. Juanita, I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of schwarma in this crazy world. Someday you'll understand that. Now, now... Here's looking at you kid."

Only in New York

Saw this from my window, and lucky enough to snap a photo. Don't you love the looks that he's getting from the people around him? Classic New York weirdness.
So you guys probably know how I feel about the Internet, technology, everything, etc. Basically, I think it's a waste of time. However, one of my guilty pleasures is going onto the AIM and Facebook accounts of my friends and having conversations (incognito, of course) with their friends.

I thought it would be hard-hitting to share some of these conversations with you. So that's what I'm doing. Here's the first one. I was on Joel's facebook and....


Me:
oh man
listen to this:
i feel terrible
just awful
you know you have to drink 8 oz. of water when you take a mucinex?

Girl:
hahah yeahhh lol but i never do
im trying to figure out where this story is going hahah

Me:
it's going places you never dreamed

Girl:
hahahah
well then continue

Me:
the plot thickens (much like my mucus):

Girl:
EWWW

Me:
actually that's basically it.
i feel terrible.
i miss you and all the times we had.
that's the sparknotes version

Girl:
im not really understanding this niceness thing u got going on towards me
like im confused

Me:
well the truth is this:
im a changed man
i've had some experiences
things are different

Me:
ohhh really?!

Me:
ahhhhh....nah
i changed my mind
you suck

Girl:
joelll

Me:
wait never mind
can we just start over?
remember that time
you know
when we did this fun stuff or whatever
that was the best time
why can't we do that more

Me:
ur crazyyyy

Me:
and you're beautiful

Girl:
i wojld love to do funnnn stuffff
take me away from binghamtonnnnn
tell me about nyu!!

Me:
all right but only because you're worth it
nyu
what a place
people everywhere
wearing shirts with cats on them
cats with shirts on
it's fucking wild
it's ajungle over here
i just saw a monkey

Me:
hahahhah what r u onnnn
i wanna go to ur college!

Me:
i want to go to your pants. wait no. i want to go to your college.

Girl:
do u ever see melissa

Me:
who's melissa? yeah i see her
what's with the 9th degree?

Girl:
what do u mean

Me:
oh it's just a bit of banter
you've got to lighten up, girl
lighten that load

Girl:
sorry im just unpacking
have u gone to visit the canadiansss

Me:
canadianssss? oh!! you mean the canadians.
yeah i been there. done that. smoked it. drank it. cooked it for dinner.
but that's not important right now.

Girl:
it is!!
i wanna go

Me:
what's important is you and me and that sexy black dress you wore that one time.
or was it a scarf? i dont recall.
either way it was sexy as all hell

Girl:
ohhhh joeelll
well whats important is that i want to go
and u should comeee so i dont have to drive alone

Me:
or you could just listen to a book on tape

Girl:
booo

Me:
it works wonders and that way i wouldn't have to sit through a long lousy car ride with you

Girl:
my mom does that
thats not entertaining
road trips r sooo fun

Me:
thinking about one with you makes me suicidal but i know absolutely what you mean
i like the feeling of the wind in my hair
and the sounds of the open road
AMERICA!

Girl:
hahahahhaha
well actually its half america
half canada

Me:
tomatoe tomahtoe
i hate tomatoes
but i like you
girl, you don't even know
you don't even know the half of it
and i won't tell the other half!
listen why don't you just stay at your college and i'll stay at mine okay?
i can't take this shit any more
i'm stressed and i got the runs
and now i got to run
i'll talk to you later grrrrrrrrl

Girl:
ohhh boy
hahaha
enjoyyy crazyy
if u ever reconsider
let me know im thinking of going in feb

Me:
i might be dead by then

Girl:

welll hopefully not

Me:
i'll let you know
stay beautiful grlllll
keep smiling

Girl:
bye

Where do street carts come from?


I was walking along East 4th street last night and came upon this, the resting spot of (at least some) of NYC's street carts! It was magical almost, like finding the birthplace of the stars.....or something.
One time I was walking past the line to get into Trader Joe's and I heard some asshole comment, "People like to feel like sheep." What an asshole.

Anyway, this is the reality of shopping for groceries in the city. I am convinced there is a time of day when Trader Joe's is not absurdly crowded, but I haven't figured out when that is yet.

Photo courtesy of JR.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Orchids and Bongs

Is this the only place in the world where you can buy these two things within a foot of one another?

Happy 300th Birthday BFFL!

300 posts! So many memories with this blog....too bad I've forgotten all of them. Fortunately, I have a bunch of very good looking and intelligent readers to recall all the good times for me. So without further ado, I'll present REAL testimony from REAL people about how great my blog is. For your new year's resolution tell everyone to read my blog-- actually, just tell the people you don't like. Why impose something like that on a friend?

Hallie (via e-mail):

What is there to say about BFFL? On the one hand, nothing. On the other hand, everything.

My lifelong best friendship with BFFL began on the day that the blog was conceived, pretty much. That's right, I knew this blog when it was only a baby with all that shit on it that's on babies when they're born. Since that day, my relationship with BFFL has changed in many ways. In other ways it has remained completely the same.

I have much to owe to BFFL. For one thing, this blog has catapulted me and Jordan's poetry band Partners in Rhyme to a status of fame not unlike Lady Gaga's status of fame. I would say that overall my relationship with BFFL has been a good romance.

For another thing BFFL has provided me with countless lolz, numerous lmao's, and even the occasional roflcopter!

For another thing BFFL has allowed me to keep tabs on my facebookless bandmate. Let's be honest, the band would have pobably fallen apart long ago if not for BFFL.

So in conclustion, happy 300th birthday BFFL, and keep it real.

Love,
Hallie
Ashley (after me begging for 10 minutes)

You're adorable.
Caleb (via e-mail)

BFFL is a controversial piece... So compelling. So repelling. So confrontational. So non-confrontational... So hot, and yet, so cold. Truth be told, I am an avid reader of BFFL. I am also an arid reader. I need some fluids. Happy birthday, BFFL! May the next 300 be just as juicy and hilariously sarcastic!

Blanton (in real life)


Jordan: Blanton, say something about how my blog has changed your life!
Blanton: What?
Ellen (wrote this in my notebook)

I didn't think I would like visiting Jordan's blog. And then I went and confirmed my suspicions. But then I went a third time out of utter and desperate boredom. I saw the "sleeping student" photos and realized that Jordan is actually an artistic genius and literary mastermind!"
Leigh (in real life)

It brings a new perspective to my life. It will result in multiple epiphanies, you like that? That's a buzz word, epiphany.

Anne
(via ichat)

Jordan:
can you do me a favor right now very quickly? here it is: write something about how my blog has changed your life
Anne:
i haven't read your blog
Jordan:
include that in what you say
honesty is the best policy
except when you're talking about my hat
don't insult my hat!
Anne:
well your blog has changed my life merely by taking up more space on the world wide web, and ultimately slowing down the speed of my internet connection
there YOU go
Jordan:
thanks anne
Anne:
haha
that wasn't sincere
Jordan:
i liked it
My mom (via ichat)

Jordan:
i am trying to think of what to do for the 300th post
i want people to write testimony about how my blog has changed them forever
Mom:
I can do that!!
who are you going to ask?
and pictures....
appropriate pictures showing the impact of the blog.
Jordan:
yes that's a good idea
write something for me now
whatever comes to mind
Mom:
ok. but not on the im!
Jordan:
yes, on IM!
it should be spontaneous!
my blog is very now
Mom:
BFFL is my hero! It is the heartbeat, pulse, soul, if you will, of the moment. It puts the "now" in the now generation. Thank you BFFL. We love you!
Jordan:
perfect, you're the best

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Ding ding dong

Are you sleeping? Are you sleeping?
Brother John, brother John?
Morning bells are ringing! Morning bells are ringing!
Ding, ding, dong. Ding, ding, dong.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

The Wide World of Finance

The economy is crashing around us! What do we do?

In the wake of this panic, I have asked my leading economic consult, Stern Business School Undergraduate John (my roommate), to create a new set of terms with which to bewilder, confuse, and in no way console the anxious public. What you see below is a list of some of the most cutting-edge, theoretical finance bullshit that will surely be the talk of the the water cooler this earning quarter and be of no help to anyone. I thank John for his contribution, and on behalf of all of us, I'd like to add: God help us.

1. Riskless Derivative Buyout
2. Internal Interest Inversion IRS
3. Leveraged Fiduciary Dividened Model
4. Rich-Poor Volatility Index
5. Accrued Asset Acquisition
6. Bullish Bearish Portfolio Margin
7. Private Efficiency Options Net Payout
8. Rational De Facto Cash Flow
9. Ponzi-Quasi- Equity
10. Captital Value Appreciating Amortization

Also, just for the fans at home I've included a photo (below) of John struggling to access his inner gangsta: