The economy is crashing around us! What do we do?
In the wake of this panic, I have asked my leading economic consult, Stern Business School Undergraduate John (my roommate), to create a new set of terms with which to bewilder, confuse, and in no way console the anxious public. What you see below is a list of some of the most cutting-edge, theoretical finance bullshit that will surely be the talk of the the water cooler this earning quarter and be of no help to anyone. I thank John for his contribution, and on behalf of all of us, I'd like to add: God help us.
1. Riskless Derivative Buyout
2. Internal Interest Inversion IRS
3. Leveraged Fiduciary Dividened Model
4. Rich-Poor Volatility Index
5. Accrued Asset Acquisition
6. Bullish Bearish Portfolio Margin
7. Private Efficiency Options Net Payout
8. Rational De Facto Cash Flow
9. Ponzi-Quasi- Equity
10. Captital Value Appreciating Amortization
Also, just for the fans at home I've included a photo (below) of John struggling to access his inner gangsta: