Tuesday, February 2, 2010

The Wide World of Finance

The economy is crashing around us! What do we do?

In the wake of this panic, I have asked my leading economic consult, Stern Business School Undergraduate John (my roommate), to create a new set of terms with which to bewilder, confuse, and in no way console the anxious public. What you see below is a list of some of the most cutting-edge, theoretical finance bullshit that will surely be the talk of the the water cooler this earning quarter and be of no help to anyone. I thank John for his contribution, and on behalf of all of us, I'd like to add: God help us.

1. Riskless Derivative Buyout
2. Internal Interest Inversion IRS
3. Leveraged Fiduciary Dividened Model
4. Rich-Poor Volatility Index
5. Accrued Asset Acquisition
6. Bullish Bearish Portfolio Margin
7. Private Efficiency Options Net Payout
8. Rational De Facto Cash Flow
9. Ponzi-Quasi- Equity
10. Captital Value Appreciating Amortization

Also, just for the fans at home I've included a photo (below) of John struggling to access his inner gangsta:

8 comments:

  1. look this has nothing to do with you.
    Okay so here is what I hate:
    I'm in dos t's getting my usual overpriced mexican fix and i see in my periphs these two yuppie couples having a convo and you know that i cannot help but overhear everythign they are sayign. It went somethign like this and excuse my typos but this is frantic:

    Girl: Yeah we've been looking for years and we finally found it
    Guy: I know! I've been living in the city for 15 years and now it's here!
    Girl: IT really is the BEST burrito in town
    GUy: It's practically perfect!

    I mean what is that shit? I have a friend who works at this place and he's like, "I just don't fuckign get it. THe food is just so so and these people love it" And he's right. I mean its not bad but its also 10 bucks a meal and for mexican food. I mean maybe I'm just biased since i come from the south where mexican food is legitimate and cheap and proper. But come on. I mean there is something seriously wrong with these people.

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  2. Fun. And tell Joel to calm down. Though I agree $10 for Mex food is too much! ~MLK

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  3. Thanks Joel for your comments. They are being processed by the BestFriendForLifeLong staff currently. At the moment, we are very backed up with user feedback, so you should expect a response from one of our public relations representatives within the next three to four decades.

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  4. Thanks for your comment, anonymous poster MLK! You have an incredible taste in blog.

    Don't mind Joel; his wholesome Southern upbringing has not properly conditioned him for the bustling city life. The results of this culture clash have been unsettling for us all.

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  5. Let me clarify. I am not above spending absurd amounts of money on food (Jordan can attest to my lavish pb&j habits) but it's more the fact that these "cultured" yuppies think that they have really discovered something great when in fact it's well known that the food is just okay. I mean. It's just a little frustrating.

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  6. I would like to meet Joel. Can he pass the acid test? ~MLK

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