Monday, October 1, 2012

10 unlikely culturally relevant Halloween costumes

1. The other Mona Lisa
2. Mars curiosity rover
3. The Romney sons
4. The recession
5. Bad NFL replacement ref
6. Dead D.C. baby panda
7. Dead print journalism
8. Instagram
9. Call me maybe
10. Snooki's baby

Thursday, September 27, 2012

My favorite article of the day

16 Reasons Why Fall Is The Season of Sex.


3. Hot apple cider is a highly underrated aphrodisiac.

7. You're no longer sweaty all the time.

15. After you're done having sex, you can steal your partner's sweater.

I'm sorry I just can't get enough of this article it's too silly.
The lady who took my blood today was Tabitha. She has a son and she told me that she and her son play Michael Jackson: The Experience on the Wii together. I asked her which MJ song is her favorite and she said all of them. Tabitha if you're reading this thank you for doing such a good job taking my blood and for having great taste.

There are no Chase banks in D.C. I tried to go to one today but it wasn't there. But then I saw the White House for the first time. I wonder what Obama is doing right now. I wonder what Newt Gingrich is doing right now. What does Newt dream about?

Brilliant observation

My friend writes: "Pandas in particular creep me out, because they hate reproducing, which makes me suspect that they know something about the future that we don't."


Is it possible to get PMS from donating blood? I'm feeling very emotional right now. 

I wonder who's going to get the blood I donated. I wonder if that person will acquire some of my soul or my memories. 

I just creeped myself out. 
I think a man is just a demented version of a woman. You know, like the orcs? "They were elves once..."

Men were women once but we were transformed to become uglier and meaner.

I'm going to start posting every lord of the rings joke i make

Me: I'm donating blood tomorrow I'm nervous.

Mike: Don't worry they just take a pint.

Me: It comes in pints?! I'm getting one!

Thursday, August 16, 2012

"To my mind a wedding's a very poor play. There are only two parts in it -- the bride and bridegroom. The best man is only a walking gentleman. With the exception of a crying father and sniveling mother, the rest are supers who have to dress well and have to pay for their insignificant part in the shape of costly presents."

-Diary of a Nobody

Sunday, August 12, 2012

And I mean that—everything is fiction. When you tell yourself the story of your life, the story of your day, you edit and rewrite and weave a narrative out of a collection of random experiences and events. Your conversations are fiction. Your friends and loved ones—they are characters you have created. And your arguments with them are like meetings with an editor—please, they beseech you, you beseech them, rewrite me. You have a perception of the way things are, and you impose it on your memory, and in this way you think, in the same way that I think, that you are living something that is describable. When of course, what we actually live, what we actually experience—with our senses and our nerves—is a vast, absurd, beautiful, ridiculous chaos.


Monday, July 9, 2012

Logician: Here is an example of a syllogism. The cat has four paws. Isidore and Fricot both have four paws. Therefore Isidore and Fricot are cats.

Old Gentleman: My dog has got four paws.

Logician: Then it is a cat.

Monday, May 14, 2012

Job Listing

Part-Time Maintenance Cleaner/ Historian- Grant Writer at Non-Profit


We are looking for a highly motivated candidate with a strong interest in janitorial work and the non-profit sphere. Must be able to write clean, snappy copy.

Candidates must have 3-5 years experience in cleaning and/or maintenance, the ability to lift and carry objects up to 50 pounds, master's degree or PhD, and good communication skills. 

Responsibilities include:

Removing snow 
Editing, proofreading, compiling, and writing grant proposal packages
Operating specialized cleaning machines
Comparing programmatic elements of proposals to budget
Moving furniture and equipment
Cleaning public areas
Compiling history

Languages needed
English (Required)
Mandarin Chinese (Suggested)

How to Apply:

Send resume and cover letter. In the letter, list your qualifications and reason for seeking the position. Be brief!

Sunday, April 22, 2012


Q: Do you think that you have already achieved the American Dream of being your own boss?

A: Yes, I do...umm, but I don't know what the American Dream is. I never heard of it before. Are you going to buy a Fun Pass from me now?

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

"Some men, after they have crawled through a thousand indignities to the supreme dignity, have been assailed by the gloomy thought that all their labours were but for the sake of an epitaph."

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Monday, April 9, 2012

This epistemological impasse precisely marks the postcolonial knowledge condition. It is an amnesia, but one that does not exactly mean forgetting; rather, it signifies the collective condition of a group that does not know what has been forgotten.
In the midst of the discussion, a peasant....said: "Now I see that without man there is no world."
...The educator responded: "Let's say, for the sake of argument, that all the men on earth were to die, but that the earth itself remained, together with trees, birds, animals, rivers, seas, the stars ... wouldn't all this be a world?"
"Oh no," the peasant replied emphatically. "There would be no one to say: 'This is a world.'"

Sunday, March 18, 2012

"Nothing is more embarrassing... than the irritable patriotism of the Americans" - Alexis de Tocqueville

Monday, March 5, 2012

"As we get older, life seems to fly by faster and faster. That's because we structure our experience of time around memories. We remember events in relation to other events. But as we get older, and our experiences become less unique, our memories can blend together. If yesterday's lunch is indistinguishable from the one you ate the day before, it'll end up being forgotten. That's why it's so hard to remember meals. In the same way, if you're not doing things that are unique and different and memorable, this year can come to resemble the last, and end up being just as forgettable as yesterday's lunch. That's why it's so important to pack your life with interesting experiences that make your life memorable, and provide a texture to the passage of time." -JF

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

"Elementary childhood fears: the fear of physical destruction and the fear of social death."
"Alan Turing, the brilliant mathematical logician who played a pivotal role in breaking German codes during World War II, was a great fan of Disney's Snow White. He was said to have chanted from memory the couplet: 'Dip the apple in the brew / Let the Sleeping Death seep through.' Shortly after the British government 'rewarded' Turing for his brilliant work in cryptography by giving him hormone injections to 'cure' his homosexuality, he committed suicide by biting into a poisoned apple injected with cyanide."
"We live in an extraordinarily debauched, interesting, savage world, where things really don't come out even. The purpose of true drama is to help remind us of that. Perhaps this does have an accidental, a cumulative social effect -- to remind us to be a little more humble or a little more grateful or a little more ruminative."

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Food for thoguht

I've got to write a poem,
And my head is full of mush,
And my thoughts are moving in it,
Like a turtle in the slush.
Oh, I cannot write a poem
When my thoughts are in the slush,
So have pity on a fellow
Whose head is filled with mush.