The Hallie and Jordan Masterworks

ACT V: Panama Canal Panama Hat Panama

I woke up this morning
And it was all downhill from there
A double black diamond ski slope
Danger—untracked wilderness
Untrecked star treck
Untrecked—
A triple cream late
From a lonely cashier
Life is a sad cash register
Dispensing lies
Dispensing truths
Dispensing Dispensing Dipsensing
Dispensing—
Pink bubble gum
Smack it across your lips
Blow
Says Daddy
Teaching me to make beautiful bubbles
Teaching me to make beautiful pain
My beautiful rain
It’s a downpour
Of shame
It’s a downpour
Of blame
It’s a downpour of—
Who’s there?
What are the voices?
What do you want?
What’s that you say?
What?
Daddy?
Da—
Play me sweet tenderness
From your salty uke
From your salty—
Rough tides
Rough rides
The tide is high
And I’m holding on
For dear life
For dear wife
For dear—
Evette!
Too long have I pondered the day
You took off with Maria
To a Spanish unknown
Without a glance backwards
Without a care for me
Without your reading glasses
Without—
LONGING.
LONG.
ONGING.
GING.
GING GONG.
DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD
BLING BLONG THE BLITCH IS BLED
THE BLITCH IS—
The bitch is Fred!
Fred you bastard!
Pack up your things
And leave this place behind you
Go find Maria and Evette
They’ll be waiting at the Green Dragon Inn
Fuck them silly
Fuck them like a clown
Fuck them like there’s no tomorrow
And no yesterday
Fuck them like you don’t know when the fuck you are
Fuck—
Fuck Lionel Richie
Fuck The Beejies
Fuck Bee hives
Fuck Mozilla Firefox
Fuck War
Fuck Peace
Fuck life
Fuck death
Fuck apples
Fuck oranges
Fuck tendons
Fuck bones
Fuck marijuana
Fuck abstinence
Fuck sex education
Fuck AIDS relief
Fuck virginity
Fuck the state of Virginia
And its governor
Fuck luck
Fuck duck
Fuck the dustbuster
It could never clean my soul
It could never clean my—
I woke up this morning
And I’ve been facing an uphill battle
I’ve been slipping backwards
Into a white swirly abyss
With rainbow sprinkles
Yum.
Yum.
Ew.
It’s all been downhill from there.

End.