Best Friend For Lifelong

Ever notice how in like five hundred movies or TV shows there's this scene where some kid has a problem and very predictably tells an adult about it in a roundabout way? Here's an example of something you've seen a billion times. It's never cute.

Sally (nervously): So I have this friend see, her name is...umm...Hally!
Mom (smiling knowingly because she knows Sally is really talking about a problem SHE has): Oh, I see...
Sally: And well, she like this boy. But she doesn't know if she likes him back! What should she do?
Mom: Well, Sally, let me tell you a story about a girl who ALSO really liked a boy. She liked him so much that she thought she would die. Then one day she finally asked him out and he said yes!
Sally: Hmmm...
Mom: You know who that girl was? It was me. And the boy- it's your father.
Sally: WOW, really?! Thanks a lot, I really- (embarrassed) I mean HALLY will really think that's helpful.
Mom (chuckling because she knows they BOTH know that the problem is really about Sally, not Hally): Run along now...

IS THIS NOT INFURIATING?! I DARE YOU TO TELL ME THIS IS NOT INFURIATING! I DARE YOU TO TELL ME IT HASN'T HAPPENED LIKE 20 TIMES ON FULL HOUSE.

Okay, back to my paper...