Good evening this is Jordan with BFFL Media Watchdog, bringing you highlights from the #1 source in news, AOL News. We've been checking it all day along with our e-mail to tell you about some of the most hard-hitting stories of the day.
Leading off this segment today is this very important breaking news: Oprah has worn different clothes at different times in her life! Here at BFFL Media Watchdog, we understand that this is a very sensitive situation at the moment and it is still in development. We have heard reports that Oprah may be going shopping with some of her closest galpals after lunch and may pick out some new outfits . For more on how this might affect her style evolution, check back later today. We will literally be monitoring this 24/7.
Of course, one of our top stories this evening comes with this startling new report: despite popular belief, your frigid bitch of a cat does not love you, and will probably scratch your fucking face off if you get anywhere near it. As you could probably guess, this news is having repercussions all across the globe. We don't want to jump the gun, but next to Hurricane Katrina and, like, the war in Afghanistan, we think this may be the story that defines our generation.
I'm sorry but I must trash my journalistic objectivity to express my shock and amazement at this story; I simply cannot contain myself. BREAKING MOTHERFUCKING NEWS: AOL News is telling us that, due to a continuity goof, the final scene of the Disney classic '101 Dalmations' features more than 101 Dalmatians. In fact, there's at least 150 spotted dogs in the background! Holy SHIT! Holy motherloving DOGWALKER! WOAH! DAMN!
For BFFL Media Watchdog, this is Jordan. Good night.