My little luv poems

I want to pour
chocolate syrup
all over your body--
but I also want
chocolate milk--
I don't know what to do.

Stay with me
forever!
Actually,
never mind,
I need
Me Time.

I could kiss you
all day
but I have to go
do laundry.

When we kissed
it was like magic--
you turned out
to be an evil
sorcerer.

Your face
are like
two pools of blue--
wait, that's wrong.

He said,
"You're so beautiful
I could kiss you."
She said,
"Why don't you?"

You are nice
and smart
and I like your dress
Will you date me?

In a perfect world
it would just be
you and me. . .
and flying
unicorns.

I whispered
"Sweet nothings"
in her ear.
She said,
"That's not
how you do it."

Gent with a pipe

Academia

"Well, I guess I'm not totally sure what you mean by 'science'"- girl in my Ecology and Environmental Issues class, trying to answer the professor's question.

Time Keeper Sighting!

There he is!

"Oh I'm just on my way to Williamsburg...thinking of picking up some vegan cupcakes later..."

Jordan and a cat

Today I went to visit my friend Charlotte at Fred Flare, the store where she works. There I browsed through a book of lolcats. One of them, remarkably looked JUST LIKE ME! It even has ptosis!

Bill! Bill! Bill! Bill!

What to do when no one and everyone is watching

Daily Folly

In the Starbucks
of our lives
we are all just waiting
for our grande half-caf
skinny vanilla lattes
to be ready

A poem is a plumb is napalm

She said
"Let's go to
my place"
He said
"Can we
play Scrabble?"

Diamonds are a
girl's best friend.
I, unfortunately,
have always been a
diamond.

"Love poems are
so corny," she said.
"Yeah, totally," he said,
stuffing a love poem
back into his pocket.

Pillow talk, for me,
has always meant
talking to my pillow.

He said,
"What do you
want to do?"
She said
"I don't know
what do you want
to do?"
Nine months later
there was a baby.

The Journal News: The Most Trusted Name in Lower Hudson Valley News

"No weapon was displayed"? So...that thing in the photo, I suppose, is a clock radio?

I have a lot of feelings

NOTE: I think it's obvious that this should not be taken seriously, but just in case, so you know, you should not take this seriously. It is a farce.

The Comedy
By Jordan

Detritus proliferation
wrapped up in a garbage heap
plagued by the mementos of a
civilized oblivion
a person is a survivor of this
who has forgotten his trauma,
a vain blue note at the
end of a symphony that
no one will ever hear
and only lonely comrades will mourn
the devastating causality
of birth, death and the
tragedy in between,
meaninglessness trapped in a
suicide hurricane eye madly repeating
a vaudeville act of a single
desperate comic, his skin the
color of death, his soul acid
a desperate fraud, grinning through
the gruesome anguish of a lie
played on repeat for eternity
in a universe devoid of all heat
the crowd, a laughing poltergeist
knocking dishes to a dirty floor,
a vortex of lame, disparaging pantomime
sucking the last crumbs of felicity
out of a gourmet disaster
served to a starving man with no mouth
his moans are a stifled cry for a miracle
but prayers are for those with too much
imagination and prospects slim.

Your eyes shine
like couch covers
Your hair is soft
like a shag carpet
You live in
the den of my heart.

Advertising

That man does not need to go back to school! He looks senile. He should go back to bed instead!

yeah RIGHT!

Those are two different people!

Give the people what they want

She said "Hi"

He said "Hi"

She said

"This isn't

working out."

I said

"I love you"

She said

"You've got a

thing in your

teeth right

there

no

there

no--

you got it"

I learned

your body

like a map--

I was always

bad with

directions.

Spooning,

I discovered,

is nothing

like

silverware.

When she

smiled the world

smiled.

When she got

in a crazy rage--

well, let's not

talk about it.

We talked until

the sun rose--

I was asleep

for the last

two hours of it

but you didn't notice.

Huckabee

My first celeb shot-- Mike Huckabee at NYU

What Are You?

Meouch.

This morning I saw a girl fall out of both shoes at once. She kind of flew out and there were her shoes just sitting there. I laughed all the way home.

Yes We Can!

Man's Best Friend?

Not anymore, probably. This looks terrifying.