Monday, May 16, 2011

update your blog or ill kill you

cyndi: u should do a fake advice column for like summer tips
me: i don't get it! explain.
cyndi: in your blog make pretend questions ppl asked u for advice and u answer them.

OK so I guess upon pain of death I present....

"KEEP YOUR TIPS UP: A Summer Advice Blog by Jordan for the readers of BFFL (Cyndi)"

Dear Jordan,

I have "Soak Up The Sun" by Sheryl Crow stuck in my head, what do I do?

-Your Friend the Communist

Dear Communist,

I can't believe I'm even answering this question because I hate communists (Obamanists) and love America. But anyway I find that whenever I get "Soak Up The Sun" stuck in my head, the best way to get it out is to sing it everywhere and everywhere to everyone. I also find that is the best way to be pummeled by random strangers. Good luck!

Dear Jordan,

Last week I went to the try outs for the school basketball team. But when I got there it seemed like all the girls were 10 feet tall. I got scared and wanted to leave.

- Marquisha

Dear Marquisha,

I don't think that actually qualifies as a question but listen Marquisha, don't doubt yourself, believe in yourself, you're really great. Come on let's go. Girls Inc., inspiring all girls to be strong, smart, and bowld.

Dear Jordan,

I can't decide on my tattoo. Should I get a tattoo of Captain Planet, because I love the planet, and nostalgia. Or I don't know should I get my favorite Andy Warhol quote, "The world fascinate me," because it's kind of true, you know? Like, I AM fascinated by the world! Ugh but idk I kind of really want to get a tattoo of this design that my boyfriend made in Photoshop-- it's of a heart with a tree growing out of it and sprouting from the tree is a dove. It's kind of complicated but basically it means that love creates peace. Know what I mean? Ugh I don't know what to get.

- Frail Caucasian Indie Girl

Dear Indie Girl,

Why don't you get a tattoo of my face looking like this on your forehead:

Because that's what I'm going to look like whenever I run into you as you leave your "Re-imagining the Deconstructionist Identity of Urban Communities in a Post-Consumer Era" class with whatever bullshit you decide to put on yourself. I think it would look totally cute on you!

1 comment:

  1. you have that video of us and your emotional friend doing a very serious impression of "Hide and Seek" by Imogen Heap at Emerson freshman year? Where we wore scarves and put pencils in our hair? This sudden urge to watch it recently came over me, but instead I got a tattoo of a tree sprouting a heart that's eating a dove.

    Email me regardless: