Me and my iPhone-- A story of love, life, and iPhone

The iPhone-- more than just a gadget. A helper, a friend, and a way of life. For people who love their phones as more than just a phone this book is just for you: Me and my iPhone-- A story of love, life, and iPhone.

Ever think of all the great times you've had with your Apple iPhone? That time you used it to take a picture with your friends that you would later blog or post to your Facebook? That time you got lost on the way to MoMa, but your iPhone helped you get there? All the million times you used screen reflection to check for junk in your teeth? That time where you bonded with a cute classmate over how much you love your matching iPhones? This book has moments like that...AND MORE!

This is a collection of stories about the gadget that's always there -- from the second you wake up in the morning, to the time you go to bed. They are heartwarming, full of fun, family, and iPhone. What more could you want in a book? Perhaps if it came with an iPhone? Maybe for the second edition.

Get your copy of Me and My iPhone today!

How to talk about Egypt without knowing a damn thing

I've been interviewing and talking to people and sitting in undergrad classes all over the city lately and I've discovered an annoying trend: People are running their mouths about the situation in Egypt 24/7, but the fact is, they have basically no idea what they're talking about. In fact, I've found that most opinionated people talking about Egypt didn't know the first thing about the situation there until about 2 weeks ago.

Full disclosure: I didn't know anything about Egypt before the revolution, and I still don't know anything. But I'm not making any bold proclamations! And I'm certainly not doing it in class!

So if you want to sound concerned about Egypt, here's a product for you-- the "How to talk about Egypt without knowing a damn thing" Mad Lib!


Well, I think, personally, that the situation over there is really (NEGATIVE ADJECTIVE) and I really just think it's great that the people are doing what they're doing. But I don't really know, because like, it's so (NEGATIVE ADJECTIVE) it's hard to know what's the best thing to do.

Like, obviously, anything is better than (AUTOCRAT STARTING WITH LETTER M), considering all the (BAD STUFF) he did but who knows , I mean sometimes, as the saying goes, (IDIOM TO THE EFFECT OF THE DEMON YOU KNOW IS BETTER THAN THE DEMON YOU DON'T KNOW). And who knows what could happen, you know, like, once this happens, like will (DOOMSDAY SCENARIO) take hold, causing (DOOMSDAY SCENARIO) and even (DOOMSDAY SCENARIO)? Like, that could totally be the case.

But really I think the US is not innocent here because we backed (AUTOCRAT STARTING WITH LETTER M) even that we knew he was a (ADJECTIVE), (ADJECTIVE), (ADJECTIVE) autocrat. And I just read this article in (PUBLICATION FOR WHITE PEOPLE) and it was talking about how like (CONTENT OF ARTICLE) and that really makes sense to me, probably because I didn't know anything about this until my friend told me about in on gchat.

So I think it will be interesting to see what happens.

Okay call me ignorant but I hate reading shit from like 400 years ago! It makes no sense! Listen, OK, this is from Hobbes:

He does not therein deny that there be covenants; and that they are sometimes broken, sometimes kept; and that such breach of them may be called injustice, and the observance of them justice: but he questioneth whether injustice, taking away the fear of God (for the same fool hath said in his heart there is no God), not sometimes stand with that reason which dictateth to every man his own good; and particularly then, when it conduceth to such a benefit as shall put a man in a condition to neglect not only the dispraise and revilings, but also the power of other men.

Maybe I shouldn't be trying to read this like an hour before class (and I definitely shouldn't be blogging about it an hour before class), but I simply don't understand why everyone back in the day had to write sentences like these! Have they no consideration for the 21st century assholes trying to read this shit on their Macbooks?

Media Watchdog

Good evening this is Jordan with BFFL Media Watchdog, bringing you highlights from the #1 source in news, AOL News. We've been checking it all day along with our e-mail to tell you about some of the most hard-hitting stories of the day.

Leading off this segment today is this very important breaking news: Oprah has worn different clothes at different times in her life! Here at BFFL Media Watchdog, we understand that this is a very sensitive situation at the moment and it is still in development. We have heard reports that Oprah may be going shopping with some of her closest galpals after lunch and may pick out some new outfits . For more on how this might affect her style evolution, check back later today. We will literally be monitoring this 24/7.
Of course, one of our top stories this evening comes with this startling new report: despite popular belief, your frigid bitch of a cat does not love you, and will probably scratch your fucking face off if you get anywhere near it. As you could probably guess, this news is having repercussions all across the globe. We don't want to jump the gun, but next to Hurricane Katrina and, like, the war in Afghanistan, we think this may be the story that defines our generation.

I'm sorry but I must trash my journalistic objectivity to express my shock and amazement at this story; I simply cannot contain myself. BREAKING MOTHERFUCKING NEWS: AOL News is telling us that, due to a continuity goof, the final scene of the Disney classic '101 Dalmations' features more than 101 Dalmatians. In fact, there's at least 150 spotted dogs in the background! Holy SHIT! Holy motherloving DOGWALKER! WOAH! DAMN!

For BFFL Media Watchdog, this is Jordan. Good night.

girlz gone wild

Real life text messages...

Friend: im going to florida over my spring break i cant wait

Me: are you gonna get wild?! like have a wild spring break?

Friend: no ill be w my grandma

yeah she got a nice rack too

Me: woah hey! hey hey hey!

virgo red alert!

P.S.

Just realized that like every other post on this blog is about the library.

For more on what this says about my personal life, stay tuned to Best Friend For Lifelong as I sort through the troubling implications...

Elmer Holmes Snark

Who can resist this snarky addition to a bulletin board posting in Bobst?

For those of you who can't quite make out the handwriting, it says: "Starbucks is now accepting applications!"

It's funny because it's true! Also because it's sad.

GOOOOO Bobcats!

S.P.S.A.A.

Won't you please join the Starfish Preservation Society & Athletic Association? It's for a good cause and maybe you will lose ten pounds.

Every day hundreds, perhaps thousands, of starfish are washed up on beachy shores. Since they are starfish and pretty much useless they are incapable of getting back into the water. As a result, many of these starfish dry up in the hot hot sun or are eaten by ravenous seagulls. Now, I know what you're thinking: What a tragedy! Well, that's exactly what I was thinking. And that's why I created this important society/ athletic association.

I also know what else you're thinking: what can I do about this terrible problem? Well, hold your horses because I'll tell you right now. All you have to do is join the Starfish Preservation Society & Athletic Association . As a member of the society, you will be saving countless lives. Just pick up those tragic starfish and throw them back in the ocean -- it's that easy! It's so easy I could even do it.

Saving the lives of innocent starfish is just about the most noble cause there is. In fact, I can't think of a more noble cause this instant besides maybe disease and video game violence. But in addition to being extremely important and noble, this cause is also really fun! Who among us would not like throwing these sea creatures into the ocean as far as possible? I can't think of a single person. As part of our society/ athletic association you can compete amongst other members for the top prize. Whoever throws the furthest, wins! We'll send you the prize in the mail as soon as we think of one. This year's best competitor so far is my mom, who invented her own signature throw, the Sizzling Starfish Stack Shooter:

Normality

Um.

Rough night at Bobst?

If you can't take the heat, get out of the library. Then drink three cups of coffee and smoke a pack of cigs.