Act XIII: Livin la vida pena
By Partners in Rhyme

Morning
The end of night
The beginning of the end
Of love, of hate
Of you and me
I awaken.
Sun shines
Eyes open
Heart breaks.
Maria!
Where?
Why?
Who?
Him.
I can smell him
He smells of pine
Pining
An odor that reeks of loneliness
Reeks of hurt
Reeks of sorrow
Reeks of--
Arthur!
That son of a bitch
My hatred seeths
Like a wolf
Like a tundra
Ay curumba!
Has he no shame?
Revenge -- I must have it
Triumph -- I must seize it
Breakfast -- I must grab it on my way out
To nourish my body for war!
A war of the heart!
I carry cupid's deathly arrow!
Venus' painful fire!
One of those sticks with a blade at the end -- you know the one...
The spear of vengeance!
I pack my satchel and go
I find myself at JFK
Running through crowds
Until I spot you--
You!
All full of evil
All full of spite
All full of awful!
Your sparkling blue eyes
And chiseled physique!
I don't know what Maria sees in you!
Fasten your seatbelt
We're in for some turbulence
Arthur, prepare to meet your maker.
Make her.
Her!
Maria!
I see her at the Tasti D-Lite
And I am overcome with
Lust -- when I behold her face
Longing -- when I behold her bussoms
Desire -- also when I behold her bussoms
Hunger -- when I see the Tasti D-Lite
Hold me, Maria!
Ease my pain
Ease my shame
Come home and make me Easy Mac
The way you used to
No one makes it like you
(It's the cheesiest)
Our eyes lock
And the clouds open
I say: Maria. No te vayas.
Senor, she replies, adios.

End.

ACT XII: Twelve is the lonliest number

ACT XII: Twelve is the lonliest number
By Partners in Rhyme

Thought clouds above your head
Thunder clouds above my heart
It's a cumulo-nimbus gone awry
Rye. Rye bread. You never liked wheat
You preferred white -- why?
Yes, why?
Why did you prefer hate to love?
Why did you prefer Arthur to me?
And why didn't you bring your spectacles
On your long journey to Peru?
Questions without answers
Ends without beginnings
Brooms without handles
Sons without their father's love
Daddy?
I remember the night when I came home
Whiskey on my breath and
Pena en mi corason
Ay dios mio!
I am thrown to the wall
And he is there--
Big, mean, terrible
Like a hurricane
Like a volcano
Like a size 36 belt--
I awake in a cold sweat
Father is gone
I am alone
With only my thoughts for company
Some company they are!
I fear this is the end...
But it is only the beginning.

End.

The Worst Place Ever

Let us tell you about the worst place in the world. Oh man is it terrible. It sucks. A whole bunch.

First of all, everyone has explosive diarrhea every day.

Second of all, chocolate does not exist. It was never invented.

Third of all, when people see you they SPIT ON YOUR SHOES! Then they insult your mother.

The king of our dystopia, which is now called Agonyville, is Miley Cyrus. Miley rules Agonyville with an iron fist. Everyone must boy down to her and listen to her music all the time. Also everyone wears shackles and there are no colors. The forecast for Agonyville today is rain with a chance of killer tornadoes and volcanoes.

There is no sun in Agonyville. It exploded so instead we have a giant fluorescent lightbulb in the sky. It hurts everyone's eyes and the whole world is like an office building.

People have to go to school all day long forever and they only study rocks and math. You can never be comfortable here, instead of pillows and blankets, we have rocks and rocks.

Instead of having a magical creature for a pet, or like a kitty or whatever, you get a cockroach, a beetle, or a giant slug. If you do want a kitty for a pet, you can only get a dead one. And those are no fun in case you didn't know.

Instead of music we have the sound of loud machinery. The instruments people use are loud machinery. When people hear this music they tear out their hair instead of dancing. The most popular dance here is the Kill Yourself in which you actually kill yourself. It's not really dancing. Not in the slightest.

The only smells here are sewage, garbage, and skunk. The only colognes and perfumes are also sewage, garbage, and skunk. Everything smells bad.

Another thing you should know about this place is that everyone hates everyone. Friendship is not even invented here. If you like someone, you're supposed to kick, punch, or fist that person in the face until they pass out. Then you get married forever.

Everyone here wears clothes from Abercrombie & Death. There's never a sale and everything looks totally drab. It's all expensive. A tee shirt costs 2 million dollars. Minimum wage is one penny. This is a bad situation.

Every thursday lava comes down from Mount Hideous and kills all the coolest people and all the hot ones.

You always spill your coffee on yourself. Your alarm never goes off when it's supposed to. Your clothes always shrink in the laundry. Every day is a bad hair day. You always have to pee really bad and can't find a bathroom. You always fart when everyone can hear you. You always forget your keys and your wallet. You always get speeding tickets. Something terrible happens to you every hour on the hour.

Fun is AGAINST THE LAW.

The mascot of Agonyville is Rupert, the Three Legged Puppy. The colors are grey and dark grey. They clash and look bad on everyone and make you look fat in your outfit which if you forgot costs like a billion dollars. The national pasttime of Agonyville is hweeping and also watching clowns!

The only food available is burnt toast. There are ALWAYS PUBES IN YOUR FUDE. The food takes forever to make. It goes STRAIGHT to your hips. Literally. Everyone has really big hips.

THe number one rule of Agonyville is that you must have the worst day of your life every day of your life. If it's going well you go to jail. Everyone's pants are too short.

No one has poetry bands. Poetry bands don't exist in this world. If you have a poetry band you are considered a criminal and go to jail without a phone call to your bandmate.

Your parents don't love you. In fact they try to ruin your life every day and embarrass you and shit. Like they'll say "What's up,G?" to your friends and shit. And your friends will be like, "WTF?!" And your parents will be like, "LOL" but they'll actually say LOL out loud and it will be terrrriibbbbllleeee.

In conclusion, this is our worst place ever. Don't go there or else!

LOGOS

Zoom in to see all the juicy details! K later bai!

Musing

Let us tell you about our amazing product.

First of all it is called The Wonderful Suit. Second of all you should buy one for everyone you know.

Perfect for the holiday season, The Wonderful Suit is scientifically proven by 1 in 25 doctors to improve your life by 20 percent! It’s actually not a stocking stuffer because it’s too big. Unless you were to get a really big stocking or something like that. But what’s the point really you might as well just put it under the tree.

Anyway back to our Amazing Product which will probably Change Your Life Forever.

Something you should know about it is that fifty percent of people who wore the suit for one day had a good day. The other fifty percent are lost causes anyways and disqualified as part of our analysis. So everyone liked it!

The longer you wear your suit, the better your life will be. For example, Debby wore the suit for ten years, and after those ten years, a man asked her to marry him! We never thought Debby would find love! I mean, she’s so ugly and unpleasant. But miracles happen! And they happen with our Wonderful Suit. Did we mention that it will make your Everything better?

The Wonderful Suit comes in One Size Fits Everyone and Obese sizes. It comes in two colors: gold and platinum—the best colors. It also comes in neon green because that’s our favorite color.

The suit is made out of 100 percent Polyster and shrinks in the wash. That’s not bad because things look good tight if you ask us. Unless you’re fat, then you’ll look gross.

Blind your enemies with our Amazing Product, then kick them in the no-no square! Distract people from how ugly your face is, they’ll be too busy looking out our Amazing Product! It works!

But don’t wear the Wonderful Suit for too long! Sometimes it makes you so wonderful you gusher all over the place and it makes quite a mess for cleaning ladies everywhere.

If you were to buy the Wonderful Suit anywhere else it would cost you 100 dollars. But here it will cost you 150 dollars! And we’ll even steal your credit card information. But send in our mail-in rebate and we’ll send you some shoes! Not wonderful shoes, just regular type.

So in conclusion by our product! Do it!


Unpleasant Debby before she got the Wonderful Suit (above)



Debby after! Doesn't she look great?

The Greatest Place Ever

In our utopia no one gets sick. No one gets a C on their papers. No one cries. Instead of crying there is singing and writing poetry.

The rulers of the utopia are Jordan and Hallie, and they live in a pineapple above the sea. We are fed grapes by beautiful people wearing bathing suits. We lie in hammocks all day and drink coconut milk.

All the people of the utopia have fun every day. They laugh joyously. Every time a citizen of the utopia laughs, a fairy is born. Every gets a fairy as a pet. The fairies grant everyone 3 wishes but you can wish for a million more if you want.

Citizens of the utopia get to pick from a bunch of different jobs including: princess, ice cream man, genie, pillsbury dough boy, and cookie master. For each of these jobs you get paid a million dollars an hour, but it doesn't matter because everything is free anyway.

The weather is always warm. There are rainbows every day. The forecast is 100 percent joy every day with a 1 percent chance of ecstasy. It is always the weekend.

In the evening all the citizens gather around Hallie and Jordan to hear us perform in our poetry band. They boy down to us as we express our souls creatively. They clap forever and give us free money, jewels, lollipops, and more money.

A bunch of famous people live there including Regina Spektor, Barack Obama, Kate Winslet, Maryl Streep, Mickey Rourke, Kiera Knightly, and the Beatles. When you see one of these people you can ask them to entertain you and they'll do it every time as many times are you want. All the people are beautiful there.

Everyone is friendly and compliments each other's poetry bands. Everyone is in a poetry band. Instead of waving at each other we give high fives and make outs. Instead of saying hi we say "I love you." Instead of saying goodbye we hug it out for five minutes.

The rules of our utopia are that you can't be mean, you can't not have fun, and you must do your best every day. You never grow up. There's unlimited ice cream. Everyone can fly. Magical creatures exist here and you can play with them whenever.

The natural plants and animals here are also magic. The plants can make you have super powers if you eat them or smell them. The animals are all furry and domesticated and you don't even have to take care of them. They clean up their own droppings and say "how do you do" when they pass you on the street. The streets are made of Fritos. All the fountains are made of chocolate and squirt chocolate. In the summer time you can jump in. It is always summer time so you can always jump in. And frolic.

You can walk on clouds here. You can eat them too because they're cotton candy. You can take pictures by blinking. You don't forget anything. There are plenty of acting jobs. Everyone can be the star of every production every time especially Hallie.

Also you can teleport.

Also you don't have to take care of yourself. Robots take care of you. They make you food and brush your teeth and give you baths in bubbly baths in geysers.

There is a all you can eat feast every meal. They have every food you ever wanted and more. There are nightly food fights and you don't even have to clean up the robots do it. You don't have to go to school. You can eat books to get their knowledge. The books taste like candy. You can never get too smart for your own good because everyone must also eat humble pie. No one gets fat.

You live forever and are never sad ever. This is the best place ever why aren't we there right now?

Partners in Rhyme

deer butbob stupidpants,

sometimes I h8 u sooOo much I thro darts at a picture of ur face in my room. sometimes I h8 u sooooooooO much I draw devill hornz on your yeerbook photo. sometimes I h8 u so much my assma starts acting up and i need to find my inhaler real fast or ill need to go to the hospitall again.

ur that stoopid. and that’s y im braking up wit u, cuz i cant stand u and the site of ur ugly cantolope shaped head makes me want 2 vomit up cantelop which isnt even in season this time of yeer.

ur sOoooooooOo ugly ur eyez are lik two brown puddles of sewage. ur lips are like 2 hotdogs that nobody wants cuz some1 put saurcrawt on them. ur face is a pizza. Cuz it has pimpleez on it.

i should have broken up with u 7 yeers ago when i had the chance, but i felt bad for u. also i was board. now i donut feel bad for u cuz uve been such a poop weasel and also im not bored because ive got Chad who if u fergot has a pogo stik. Chad is so cool because he can jump 100 times on his pogo stick and not even thro up after like sum1 i no. (YOU!)

Bethica and Britaffer told me 2 brake up with you 5 times but i told them no… not that i liked u or anthing but I needed a date to the dance evry year for 7 years and u were the only loser around. but then when u spilled punch on my dress and nocked the disko ball over onto me and fractured my arm i h8ed u sooOoOoOoo much.

I CANT BELIEVE UDIDNT EVEN REMIMBER OUR 6 YEARE ANIVERSARRY EVEN THOUGH I TOLD U VIA TEXT MESAGE EMAIL FACEBOOK MYSPACE TWITTER PHONE CALL PHONE CALL TO YOUR HOUSE PHONE CALL TO YOUR MOMS WORK AND SKYWRITING. HOW STOOPID COULD U POSIBLY BE.!!~~~``~~`~!!!

u no what part of u i h8 the most? i dont even know but my best guess would be that u are scared of lotion. that makes no sense. also the fact that u have a poster of a baby in your room. most of all the fact that you go out on dates with your mom. haha loser. roflcopter.

so the point of this letter stoopidpantface is that i'm braking up with you and by that i mean im not going to call u 5 times a day anymore or wait outside ur house in the rain for 5 hours untill maybe you open your door and tell me to go home. i will never do those things again because first of all i only did them because i was bored and second of all now i have chad who is super hott

dont even try to say that u dont want to break up because its so over it couldnt be more over. what i hope you do is this i hop you die. i hope you die and that after that nuthing happins to u but that i keep on living happily with chad the hottest hott kid in school and maybe even the world. someone told me he looks like a cross between frankie muniz when he was on malcom in the middle and the jonas brothers. that means that our kids will look like a cross between frankie muniz the jonas brothers and rosie o'donnel. i bet you're jelouse. i bet your so jelouse you could just kill your self right now. i hope you do.

lolly,

kiki

ps- just incase u were wondering I will not waste my teers for a man

pps- that is because I am a real woman and u r just a little boy with a SMALL PENIS!!!!!!111U!%IROLJFSLDFK

Deer Assfacemuncher butt(muncher),~~

u r a 5 star general in the stoopid army. ur so stoopid that there's probly no1 stopider then u. if their was a stopid cuntest u would probly cum in third cuz even though ur stuoopid ur also a looser and loosers never win at anything even cuntests that r stupid and no 1 would want to win anyway but u would lose because ur the biggest stupidest loser i ever met

anyway, i hope u fall down a well and drown in the well. actually no wait i hope u fall down the well and then u just float in there and u have a concussion and starve to death. that would be better because it woudl be more painful and would be slower. yes, that would be the best you stopid loser.

another thing that u should know is that everyone else thinks the same. just the other day i was takling on my celly with my bffl and she was all like i think that assfacemuncher buttmuncher frend of urs is stuped and pimply and probly has pimples on his butt and lower back region. and then later i was talking to my other bffl and she was all like i think that your frend who is stopid should probly kill himself because no one likes him including me and he is the least coolest boy in skool.

i told them that they were rong and that you actually had pimples on ur upper back region too and that u go into the pool with your shirt and ur pants on because ur embarrased and also you always take the crusts off your sandwiches because your afriad of the crusts and what they might do. i told them that because i hate you and i knew u wouldn't want me to tell them that especlly bethany becuase one time u said u liked her unikorn shirt.

ANOTEHR THING IS OH WAIT I FORGOT OKAY I REMEMBER IT AND THAT IT'S OH BY THE WAY YOU ARE DUMB. I NEVER WANTED TO GO SEE ALIEN VERSUS PREDATOR WITH U ANYWAY AND I HATE MILK DUDS I AM ALLERGIC TO DUDS. YOU ARE A DUD AND BECAUSE OF THAT I HAD HIVES FOR A LOT OF DAYS AND MISSED THE COMIC BOOK CUNTVENTION THAT IVE WANTED TO GO TO SINCE LIKE BASICALLY 4EVER. I HOPE U FEL REALLY BAD ABOUT THAT BECAUSE U SHOULD. ALSO U SHOULD FEEL BAD THAT U R STOOPID AND AN IDIOT.

I can't believe i dated you for seven years. i didn't even like you that whole time i swear haha i had you fooled you fool. in canada you would 700 ml worth of stoopid. if they measured stoopid from 1 to 10 you would be off da charts stoopid. another thing i can't believe is that i was the one who asked you out and was the one who wouldn't let you break up with me four years ago when you said your family was moving to cleveland. but you moved to cleveland and like a stupidhead u haven't called me in 14 days and three horus and that is why i am breaking up with u and now chad will be my boyfriend because he is really cool and has a razor scooter. also his watch is waterprooff and he said that i'm a lot smarter than jessica which is more than you ever said you idiot haha. lol

its super funny that you think that i care about you at all lol hahaha how stupid you are i havne't hought about you in 24 minutes that is sooOoOoOo long long enough for me to think about how much i h8 you and kiss chad on the cheek which i did aren't you jelouse i bet you arelol

so now i am prolby gonna make out with chad and in the meantieme i hope you do nothing but if you half to do something i hop that thing is faling down a well if you need help finding a well i will help u and i'll even push u but if u need help with anthing besides that i wont help u becuz i only help cool kids like chad who if you forgot has a razor scotter it is the blue one. i dont' help people like you. people who suck.

lol,

Kiki






ps--lmao!!!!!

pps--=ROFLCOPTER!!!!!!!!!!

pPps-----U HAV A VAAAAGGGGIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!