"We live in an extraordinarily debauched, interesting, savage world, where things really don't come out even. The purpose of true drama is to help remind us of that. Perhaps this does have an accidental, a cumulative social effect -- to remind us to be a little more humble or a little more grateful or a little more ruminative."

Food for thoguht

I've got to write a poem,
And my head is full of mush,
And my thoughts are moving in it,
Like a turtle in the slush.
Oh, I cannot write a poem
When my thoughts are in the slush,
So have pity on a fellow
Whose head is filled with mush.

Breaking News

AOL News Watchdog Update! Today we get this super important breaking news: the Vice President's wife wears colors! And she wore a "sexy" dinner dress?

Why, in the name of all things actually sexy do we need to know this? AOL News please, please, have mercy on us!

I Pledge of Alegiance

I wrote a play for July 4 and everyone performed it! So much fun! Here is a beautiful photo of the performance, courtesy of my mom.

Jammin

Oh I wish I could hang out on a boardwalk with frosted tips.

Anyway, off to work!

Jormo

I just thought of an idea. I'm going to make my own magazine called Jormo where I give out advice to people about sex, love, fashion, and dating.

Here's a preview of my first issue:

Cover photo-- beautiful woman smiling and looking confident

Cover story-- 15,000 sex secrets (we'll give you a hint: they all involve ice)

Q&A-- Q: Hey Jormo, I can't get my bf to love me he just plays video games all the time. Help? A: You should turn into a video game!

Sex Tip -- Pleasure zones!

Poll-- What's your favorite thing to do? A) Hair B) Jazzercise C) Study D) Charity

Time for Fashion-- Dresses are in this year! So are shoes!

Talk about the weather

Here are things you can say if you want to talk about how hot it is:

1. Hot enough for you?

2. Another scorcher!

3. It's killer out there, huh?

4. So sticky out there! So humid!

5. Oof!

6. Gosh I'm sweating!

7. It's hot!

8. Dying!

9. I wish it were snowing instead of being hot!

10. I could just perish!

11. Can you believe how hot it is?

12. I'm sweating balls!

13. You could fry an egg out there!

14. Put me out of my misery!

Today I googled "girls wearing north face" and this is what came up.

update your blog or ill kill you

cyndi: u should do a fake advice column for like summer tips

me: i don't get it! explain.

cyndi: in your blog make pretend questions ppl asked u for advice and u answer them.

OK so I guess upon pain of death I present....

"KEEP YOUR TIPS UP: A Summer Advice Blog by Jordan for the readers of BFFL (Cyndi)"

Dear Jordan,

I have "Soak Up The Sun" by Sheryl Crow stuck in my head, what do I do?

-Your Friend the Communist

Dear Communist,

I can't believe I'm even answering this question because I hate communists (Obamanists) and love America. But anyway I find that whenever I get "Soak Up The Sun" stuck in my head, the best way to get it out is to sing it everywhere and everywhere to everyone. I also find that is the best way to be pummeled by random strangers. Good luck!

Dear Jordan,

Last week I went to the try outs for the school basketball team. But when I got there it seemed like all the girls were 10 feet tall. I got scared and wanted to leave.

- Marquisha

Dear Marquisha,

I don't think that actually qualifies as a question but listen Marquisha, don't doubt yourself, believe in yourself, you're really great. Come on let's go. Girls Inc., inspiring all girls to be strong, smart, and bowld.

Dear Jordan,

I can't decide on my tattoo. Should I get a tattoo of Captain Planet, because I love the planet, and nostalgia. Or I don't know should I get my favorite Andy Warhol quote, "The world fascinate me," because it's kind of true, you know? Like, I AM fascinated by the world! Ugh but idk I kind of really want to get a tattoo of this design that my boyfriend made in Photoshop-- it's of a heart with a tree growing out of it and sprouting from the tree is a dove. It's kind of complicated but basically it means that love creates peace. Know what I mean? Ugh I don't know what to get.

- Frail Caucasian Indie Girl

Dear Indie Girl,

Why don't you get a tattoo of my face looking like this on your forehead:

Because that's what I'm going to look like whenever I run into you as you leave your "Re-imagining the Deconstructionist Identity of Urban Communities in a Post-Consumer Era" class with whatever bullshit you decide to put on yourself. I think it would look totally cute on you!

STOP THE PRESSES

Puh-leeeeeeez